
Thankfully, I like Pop-Tart and toaster pastry crust, and these pastries have some of the tastiest crust you’ll find between Boston Cream and Mississippi Mud. First things first: filling lovers beware, because this is a crust-heavy treat. Inside, this is a cozy pastry worthy of Grandma’s kitchen. And stop using books as a cake plate, or else the library won’t take it back.” But it’s like Grandma always said: “Don’t judge a book by the frosting on its cover. The camouflage icing kind of makes them look like pastries in torn pantyhose. Trader Joe’s Brown Sugar & Cinnamon “Totally Not Pop-Tarts” don’t look too pretty right out of the foil package. Just why do I say that? Well let’s ask the quirky quadrilateral himself. He must’ve been raised by the family’s all organic, hippy grandma out west. Now there’s Trader Joe’s new Brown Sugar & Cinnamon Toaster Pastry. And you have Cinnamon + Brown Sugar Megpie, the plump child who ran away from home to become a barista and eat one too many Starbucks marble loaves during his break. You have Cinnamon Roll with Brown Sugar Toaster Strudels, who stays cold and aloof in his room until you warm him up and he comes alive. You have the OG pastry, Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tart, a sweet and sugary gal who was clearly raised by a “fun parent:” the kind of hyperactive, dad joke-slinging manchild who I aspire to be someday. Sometimes, I like to try connecting each doughy rectangle on an imaginary family tree. From Kellogg’s to Kroger, every brand under the toaster oven’s warming sun has a unique take on Brown Sugar Cinnamon, but they all taste different.

Take the Brown Sugar Cinnamons, for example.

Toaster pastry family dynamics are confusing.
